Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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