She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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