mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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