He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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