I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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