I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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