our cab driver is having phone sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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