Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize