By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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