So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize