I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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