God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize