I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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