the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I would ride that face into the sunset
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize