she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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