But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A+ Viking dick
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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