you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize