I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize