marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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