so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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