When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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