yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize