guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one might say we're banned from that church
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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