She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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