this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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