In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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