I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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