you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize