Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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