I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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