Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize