I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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