It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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