Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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