I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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