i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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