six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize