You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize