There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize