I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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