o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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