mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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