what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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