you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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