I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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