I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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