oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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