why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize