Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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