She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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